Ideas for Supporting Loved Ones Suffering from Mental Health Issues
It starts with listening.
I’d like to offer some suggestions on supporting those going through mental health issues.
First and foremost, don’t try too hard. That probably sounds crazy. Are you telling me to give up? No. But it’s tempting to think that with enough effort, you can manipulate a difficult situation into one of recovery. It can feel like there must be something, the right thing, that you should be doing. Sometimes there isn’t anything concrete that you can do except be patient with your loved one and be patient with yourself.
Offering support is a careful balance of thoughtfulness and endurance. Be sure you are always listening and observing to seek what one may need. Because you often can’t see mental health illnesses, knowing what to do can be extraordinarily challenging. How are you supposed to help with something you cannot see?
How are you supposed to listen if someone isn’t saying anything?
Remember, don’t try too hard. Admit to yourself that you feel, and probably are, powerless. Look to medical professionals - doctors, therapists, social workers - to grasp what signs to look out for during an episode. And, when you’ve done that, keep that list handy. Create a checklist of vital signs and symptoms to look out for: withdrawal, irritation, anger, etc.
I’d like to emphasize the importance of having a support system. It’s easier to relinquish control when a system has been implemented. I have a “team” of 6 or 7 people I need to prepare for my dangerously low mood - my doctor, therapist, family members, fiancee, and friends. It can feel a little demoralizing to be 26 years old and admit that I need a lot of help sometimes, but I try to remember that those with physical ailments need assistance, too.
My experience recovering from an Severe Mental Illness (SMI) is strongly tied to doing my best to celebrate the small victories.
In my most depressed state, I would wake, sleep, and eat in the same light-brown pullover. I could care less about what I was wearing or how I looked. When you are face to face with the idea of death, what does a shower do for you? I won’t see friends or family, and I don’t care what the neighbors think of me on my walk around the block with my head staring at my shuffling feet. Other than habit, there are zero reasons why I would want to shower. But, I know my Mom was celebrating deep down because she saw her son, severely sick and almost lifeless, complete a simple but productive task.
Just taking a shower is a vote for living, and it’s important as a caregiver to acknowledge, even if just to yourself, that something positive just occurred.
If you don’t try too hard, help build a support system, and celebrate small victories, you’re moving in the right direction.
During one of my episodes in 2016/2017, it took me nearly a year to see improvement and ultimately find the proper treatment. This leads me to my last point, be patient. Those struggling are most likely told to be patient over and over and over again. Whether it’s “be patient, we’ll find you a psychiatrist soon,” or “be patient; the medicine will kick in soon,” there is a constant lingering promise that soon it will all be fixed. It’s your responsibility as a caretaker, friend, or loved one, to be patient, too. I’ve tried 10 different medications, endured seven hospitalizations, and had lots of therapists and psychiatrists, and the most common request from all of these providers was to trust the process and be patient.
I met a man once, in a psychiatric ward in Virginia, who had tried committing suicide 24 times. In a group session, he said a piece of advice he’d learned from someone else: “Don’t give up 5 minutes before a miracle, but don’t expect a miracle to occur in 5 minutes.”
Consider this: If you hurry someone battling mental health to get better sooner so you yourself can feel better, you’ve broken the golden rule. Be patient and proactive, and be both very carefully. If you can implement these rules into your care routine for someone, then at the very least, you’ll reach the magic of empathy within the realm of mental health, something I’ll talk about later.
In summary:
Trying too hard is counterproductive
It’s OK to sit in silence if your loved one doesn’t want to talk
Help to build a support system
Celebrate small victories
It’s your responsibility to be patient, and proactive