Dear Bipolar: A Five Year Reflection

Apr 03, 2023

Dear Bipolar,

Five years ago I would beat my fists against my head,

Trying to stop you from strangling my brain.

Five years ago I would sit and count how many pills I had left in my bottle,

And I’d calculate if it were enough to escape you.

Five years ago I sat and observed the world,

That I thought I’d lost because of your grip on me.

Five years ago,

I wasn’t me.

I was you.

I know you go beyond me.

I know you attack people on the streets.

I know you attack movie stars.

I know you attack families that don’t even know who you are yet.

But four years ago I became more confident

Because I had stopped you from strangling my brain

Four years ago I stopped counting my pills,

And counted the days since I started to feel better.

Four years ago I began to join the world again,

And stopped just observing.

Four years ago I was me,

Not you.

I know you are part of me, not all of me.

I know people on the streets can be healed.

I know movie stars can be healed.

I know families can come together and figure out who you are.

Dear Bipolar,

Five years ago I met you.

Four years ago I silenced you.

And now I know you are a big piece of me.

But only a piece.

Nothing more.